15 Lessons of Marriage and Money

My wife Cassie and I recently celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. Looking back, our wedding day was perfect; it was filled with our favorite people, an outpouring of love, celebratory well-wishes, dancing, laughing, and was a perfect start to our journey as Mr. and Mrs. Williams. It has been a blessed journey with lots of highs and a few lows. Thankfully, due to communication, commitment, and compromise, we have not endured any financial lows, but rather just financial hiccups. Here are a few things we have learned in our 15 years of marriage…

1. Discuss money before marriage

We were extremely open with each other about our salaries, debt, student loans, and savings. With this transparency, we started our marriage on a strong financial foundation.

2. Set financial priorities together

Aligning financial priorities allows you to work toward goals as a couple. Yearly, we reassess our financial priorities, which lends itself to open communication and compromise.

3. Determine money values

Couples typically enter marriage with some varying values surrounding money. More often, the concept of money and values working hand-in-hand is new to them. Regardless, values and money are important, so it is vital to be on the same page.

4. Create and embrace a budget

When I received a promotion requiring us to move to Philadelphia with two mortgages, one income, and unexpected moving costs, we had lots of stress, arguments, and Cassie in tears. Creating and embracing a budget eased our minds by showing us that while money was tight, we could make it work. Managing a budget is a fluid task as some years are financially better than others, but a budget helps set up financial expectations and accountability.

5. Discuss finances together regularly

I know life is busy, and the last thing you want to do on a Sunday evening is to review your budget and discuss money, but a scheduled discussion allows for honesty, accountability, and reality.

6. Try to live debt-free

There is good debt and bad debt. At times, marriage is hard, so why make life more stressful by worrying about bad and unnecessary debt?

7. Compatible level of risks

I am more of a risk-taker with money, and Cassie would prefer to store our money in a savings account. At the beginning of our marriage, it took several long discussions, and sometimes arguments, on how to balance our different risk levels. In time, she better understood the importance of a diversified portfolio, and I understood her need for security.

8. Save 10% or more of your income

This percentage can be diversified into retirement, savings, emergency funds, etc., but it is essential to have this nest egg to avoid unnecessary stress, anger, and resentment in a marriage.

9. Make big financial decisions together

I made this mistake twice. I put down money on a new build before Cassie had a chance to see it, and after bringing home a big bonus, I delegated the money into different accounts and purchases. Thankfully, both incidents worked out, but I provided a path for potential resentment by not including Cassie in these big decisions.

10. Trust

This seems like a no-brainer. Trust is essential in all relationships including marriage and money.

11. Update your will and legal documents

Drafting a will is a dreaded task, yet essential. Right before back-to-back trips to Minneapolis and Jamaica, we realized we had not updated our will to include our second-born and guardianship. Pulling these updates together was a last-minute scramble and caused unnecessary stress before two big trips.

12. Set ground rules for guiltless spending

As an adult, it is important to have the freedom to spend a certain amount of money with no explanation or questions asked. The idea of having to ask for permission to spend money on a dinner out with friends seems belittling. When Cassie made the transition to be a stay-at-home parent, she felt guilty for spending money since she no longer brought in an income. To diminish the guilt, we set a number on how much we can spend without needing to check in with one another.

13. Determine strengths

As with any marriage, each person brings unique strengths to the relationship, and utilizing your strengths when it comes to your finances is a team effort. For instance, my strengths are analytical and the big picture, and therefore, I am in charge of developing the budget and investing. Cassie is more detailed and budget savvy, so she handles coupons, cost comparisons, keeping inventory on our needs, etc.

14. Do not keep financial secrets

We have all heard the story of a person finding out their spouse incurred a large amount of debt on a hidden credit card. Not only do financial secrets hurt your pocketbook and credit, but they can also destroy trust in a marriage. Transparency about finances needs to start before saying “I do,” and continue until “death do us part.”

15. No one size fits all

Every marriage is unique, which means every financial situation and approach is unique. Some couples have separate accounts and split all the bills in half. Others share an account and pay bills together. Do what works best for your marriage. The bottom line: the most important thing is that you mutually agree on how the money is managed, saved, spent, and reviewed.

In addition, JP Williams is the Founder of Pillar Wealth Group who lives and works near Columbus, Ohio. JP founded Pillar Wealth Group with over 17 years of experience and specializes in financial planning, retirement planning, investment management, risk management, college planning, and estate planning. Contact us today to get started with your financial wellness journey. Contact us today to schedule an introductory meeting!